Cherry
12-03-2009, 06:19 AM
I broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago. Our relationship has been a roller-coaster (to put it nicely) so we've broken up twice before. He is still in love with me and thinks there's a chance we could get back together and maybe marry someday. He's expressed each of these ideas at different times before.
He did not take the break up well and this was evident to all his friends associated with the men's rugby team. I am on the women's rugby team. Both teams are close. We are each other's circles. I, however, have been dog housed by the men's rugby team because he did not want to break up... He was heartbroken. I did what was best for me and, I believe, in his best interest in the long run too. Although I have a few loyal friends on the women's rugby team I do not expect them to flock to me when there's a better time to be had spent with the men's rugby team and the rest of the crew that hangs around us. So, I don't go out with my rugby crowd anymore. I go out with one or two friends at a time to lunch, parties, etc. It's just not the same and there are few indications of things looking up.
The break up has been extremely painful for me as well. Harsh realities hit me consecutively as "friend" after "friend" spoke badly of me behind my back, supported my ex's erratic and obsessive behavior I'm assuming "because he's the lovesick victim," and even tried to get with my ex. Such disrespect that certainly crushed my self esteem and trust.
The other day an attrative guy at the gym hit on me and I had hopes of trying to start fresh with someone new - even if it doesn't work out I want to see other people. Tonight I got to thinking though. He could show me his world and talk about his past and introduce me to all his friends who are at the party he's invited to -- but I can't. How can I introduce my world to him if I'm not even allowed in it anymore? So maybe that's not my world anymore, but if it isn't then what do I have to offer? My life in pieces at the moment, an ex who won't let me go, no circle of friends to call my own -- I don't even get along with my family! If I talk about my recent past (the past year+) my ex is included in a LOT of that and then, since my ex was brought up, I a) have to explain everything way too soon, b) act suspicious and say that I'm not ready to talk about it, or c) say something that he may take indicates that I still love my ex back, thus creating a trust issue right off the bat. OR word will get out that I'm seeing someone and my date will "be informed" that I'm off limits or some shit.
Also, I still have the instinctual "I'm not single, I'm not single, I'm not single..." mantra so it's weird for me to think about being intimate with anyone else, emotionally or physically, and I don't want that to be weird.
Through all this I've decided to transfer universities, for academic reasons as well, but rugby was what kept me where I am. Now that's ruined it's time for me to leave. I will leave either at the end of this fall semester or endure one more semester, but either way I don't know how to date people here in the meantime. I've never dealt with this before (ex was first serious relationship/first love) so I don't know what I'm doing.
Thank you.
He did not take the break up well and this was evident to all his friends associated with the men's rugby team. I am on the women's rugby team. Both teams are close. We are each other's circles. I, however, have been dog housed by the men's rugby team because he did not want to break up... He was heartbroken. I did what was best for me and, I believe, in his best interest in the long run too. Although I have a few loyal friends on the women's rugby team I do not expect them to flock to me when there's a better time to be had spent with the men's rugby team and the rest of the crew that hangs around us. So, I don't go out with my rugby crowd anymore. I go out with one or two friends at a time to lunch, parties, etc. It's just not the same and there are few indications of things looking up.
The break up has been extremely painful for me as well. Harsh realities hit me consecutively as "friend" after "friend" spoke badly of me behind my back, supported my ex's erratic and obsessive behavior I'm assuming "because he's the lovesick victim," and even tried to get with my ex. Such disrespect that certainly crushed my self esteem and trust.
The other day an attrative guy at the gym hit on me and I had hopes of trying to start fresh with someone new - even if it doesn't work out I want to see other people. Tonight I got to thinking though. He could show me his world and talk about his past and introduce me to all his friends who are at the party he's invited to -- but I can't. How can I introduce my world to him if I'm not even allowed in it anymore? So maybe that's not my world anymore, but if it isn't then what do I have to offer? My life in pieces at the moment, an ex who won't let me go, no circle of friends to call my own -- I don't even get along with my family! If I talk about my recent past (the past year+) my ex is included in a LOT of that and then, since my ex was brought up, I a) have to explain everything way too soon, b) act suspicious and say that I'm not ready to talk about it, or c) say something that he may take indicates that I still love my ex back, thus creating a trust issue right off the bat. OR word will get out that I'm seeing someone and my date will "be informed" that I'm off limits or some shit.
Also, I still have the instinctual "I'm not single, I'm not single, I'm not single..." mantra so it's weird for me to think about being intimate with anyone else, emotionally or physically, and I don't want that to be weird.
Through all this I've decided to transfer universities, for academic reasons as well, but rugby was what kept me where I am. Now that's ruined it's time for me to leave. I will leave either at the end of this fall semester or endure one more semester, but either way I don't know how to date people here in the meantime. I've never dealt with this before (ex was first serious relationship/first love) so I don't know what I'm doing.
Thank you.